New beginnings
by DanyElliott
Summary: This is my version of what would have happened if not everything was so nice at the beginning of Cal and Gil's relationship. So in this story you'll find out why they split up in the first place and how they got back together.
1. Chapter 1

She'd remember him sometimes. A year passed and he was still on her mind (well, he was on her mind way more than she'd like to admit). And then came an unexpected turn of events – he called. One day, out of nowhere, a number she deleted from her phone, but never from her mind, called. And she picked up, her fingers trembling while swiping the green button to the side.

"Foster." The voice from the other side of the line said before she had the chance to introduce herself. And that settled it – it wasn't just a number called by a mistake.

It took her a couple of seconds to come to her mind. She thought about saying that it was a wrong number or simply asking who it was, but she knew he'd figure out she's lying. After all, it was his job to notice the little things as a change in the tone is; it was his job to see through people and their lies. And he was a hell of a professional at what he did.

So she decided not to play games she knew she couldn't win. "Cal."

"It's been a while, uh?" It was not a question, but she didn't expect him to be an expert with words when it comes down to them.

"Quite a while." For a moment even she lost the track of what was happening, of what she was supposed to say. "How can I help you?" And it was a question that made sense. He wouldn't have called a year after they parted ways just to check on how she was doing. He needed something.

"Better question, love, is what can I do for you." There's a short pause, but after her silence he continues. "I'm offering you to come and work for me again."

A breathy laugh escapes her throat and he can almost hear her rolling her eyes at him. "Thank you, Cal, but I think I'll skip that offer. We both know how it ended up last time."

"Come on, Gil, we're both grownups. I'm over it. You're over it. It's been over a year."

"We might be over it, Cal, but you are still the same stubborn, annoying man who cannot help but cross every line someone draws, just so you can prove yourself."

"Gimme one talk, love. Four eyes. And I'll convince you." She was good enough to hear a pinch of desperation in his voice and she couldn't help but feel a bit proud of it. Cal Lightman, calling her to practically beg for her to come back to his company.

"There's no use. It'll be just a waste of time."

"Then let me waste that time with ya. I'll change your mind. Just hear me out."

She let out a breath, more impatient than annoyed. She did want to see him. "Alright, Cal. Just one meeting and then you leave me alone."

"After this meeting, love, we'll see."

In the middle of her laugh, she hung up.


	2. Chapter 2

**All mistakes are only mine. I am aware the chapters are short, but I don't have much time to write really and the chapters I do write are mainly done in the bus on my way to work or back home so please just ignore some little mistakes (and I am sure there are and will be some). This one is a tease as well, so stick with the story and see what happens next!**

* * *

It took him whole two minutes to send her a message with more information about their meeting. "Your office. Tomorrow at 3pm."

Of course, he wasn't talking about her office. He was talking about her former office, about the one she worked in while they were still good. Or at least she hoped so. Coming to her actual office would be a bit hard, considering the fact that security is not really letting anyone in who doesn't have an appointment. When she first came there she had absolutely no idea why they were so paranoid, but in time she found out that some of the patients are prisoners and that they were visiting some of the best psychiatrists in the state. Luckily, she never got any of those patients, which was pretty odd cause it seemed like she was a magnet for troubles.

"Bring the wine."

"Are you making this a date, love? Cuz I wouldn't mind."

"No. I just don't think I'd come out of a meeting with you sane if I didn't have something to drink."

"True. I'll get your favorite."

* * *

Tomorrow had come fast. She spent the whole morning trying to look good, but not too good. She wanted desperately to ignore the feeling that was rising inside her chest, but it was stronger than her. Every time she'd think about their meeting her heart would start beating faster and cause some odd warmth in her stomach.

It wasn't like that. It was never like that between them. They always had this little game going on between them, this flirt that never died, even now, through the messages. Are you making this a date, love? It was dangerous. Cal was dangerous for her. He was a territory unknown, a man of many secrets and many talents, nothing like men she was used to having in her life.

In the end, she decided a white suit would do. It was a bit tight for her taste, but she bought it because it fit her perfectly. She preferred skirts and blouses, but for this occasion she decided to sacrifice comfort and go for good looks.

Her makeup was light as usual, she never liked it too much. She put on mascara and light lipstick, so you could barely notice she even had any makeup on. Her hair was straight, though probably a bit shorter than he remembered it - shoulder length.

* * *

His breathing stopped while his heart raced. He expected her to look good, just to make him regret losing her, but he never expected her to look freaking amazing. He failed in an attempt to raise his lower jaw, so for a couple of seconds he just let it hang there, until he felt he could move again. Never did a woman leave him so… Powerless. Yes, that was the word – powerless. Because she could see when he was lying, she knew his secrets, she knew how to deal with him when he was a pain in the ass (which was pretty much all the time), but most important of all, she knew how to calm him down even when he felt like a raging dog.

"Cal." Her voice was soft, as always, but she had changed over the past year and he was glad because of it. She seemed stronger. At least her shake of the hand was firm and even a bit painful. Or maybe that was just intentional, just a squeeze to hurt him.

"Oy, love, you look better than ever." It caused the blush creep up her neck and to her cheeks almost immediately and her lips curved up into a small, traitorous smile.

"You look good as well."

"I brought the rose."

"Also, how do you even know what my favorite wine is?" There was suspicion in Gillian's voice and he could hear it loud and clear.

"Oh, I just peeked into your desk after you left. It was still there, just half a glass left. It's good, though a bit sweet for my taste."

"I never forgot a bottle of wine, Cal." She passed by him, touching his shoulder with hers in the process. She kept walking until she reached her old office, still untouched. The pleasant but unwanted feeling of warmth in her chest came back again. He didn't move a single thing.

Wrapping a hand around the knob, she felt like she was going to fall apart. She knew he had her the moment he called. She came here knowing that she will accept his offer, but under her own conditions this time.

"Shall we? You asked to meet because you wanted to offer me a position. Let's have an interview then."


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, guys! I'm aware that they might be a bit out of character but I'm trying my best here, since it's been quite a while since I've actually seen this show! Also I know I'm a tease because I'm giving such short chapters but it's only because I (will try to) post once a week. I guess if I did it monthly I would have quite long chapters but I just don't like not posting for so long so... Here goes another chapter!**

* * *

"Do you prefer men or women?"

There was a moment of silence and if a look could kill, Cal would drop dead the same moment.

"Oops, sorry, I remember. You're perfectly straight. At least it looked like that to me the last time."

Once again, she shot him a threatening glare.

She took a deep breath and soothed the fabric of her suit. "Let's talk about conditions. Isn't that why you wanted me here? I think we should leave my sex life out of this one."

"Not if it includes me."

"Is this why you called, Cal? Because if it is, I will walk out this door straight away."

"Same old Gil." He smiled sheepishly, leaning back into his chair. It's been a while since he felt this calm. She was sitting across him, in _her_ chair, in _her_ office. He was sitting in one of those chairs that were not made for comfort, which also made him think that, yeah, maybe they should get some new chairs. "You get whatever you want."

It wasn't what she expected, not at all. She assumed he wanted her back, but not that he was so desperate about it.

"Well, not whatever you want. You get to keep the office. And we go back to the original deal, this company being the work of both of us."

It was as if she had never left in a way. Damn, she looked even more beautiful than before in that suit. Her face looked exactly the same, with those deep, blue eyes, beautiful lips and the small nose, now all framed with this new haircut he was already a fan of.

He could see the suspicion on her face. "It can't be that easy."

"There is no catch. It hasn't been the same since you left."

"So why now, Cal? Why after a whole year? Why didn't you think of this a month after I left, or two? Or even half a year? Why did it take you this long?"

There's unpleasant silence for a couple of moments and so much tension you could cut it with a knife. Their eyes are locked on each other and neither wants to look away because it's a matter of self-control, of power.

"It's just the same as always, right? You can't separate personal life and work from each other. You couldn't ask me to come back because you knew at least one of us wasn't over it."

"Neither of us was over it."

"Neither of us _is_ over it, Cal."

And it's like a bomb has exploded. Both of their hearts started beating fast, surprised by the words that just left her lips. Both of them startled, but none letting it show on their faces, on their movements because they both knew it would be a final surrender.

"Emily says hi."

"Oh… Tell her I'd love to see her, but…"

"Then you will. You can start working right away. I guess we just need to sign a few papers later but no worries. It'll take a couple of minutes."

She laughs lightly, shaking her head at his words. "I still didn't tell them I'm leaving."

"Well, you not coming to work might be a good reason for you to get fired, no? It comes down to the same thing."

He pushed himself off the chair, never breaking eye contact. "Good having you here again." And as if nothing changed, he did what he always does – left the thing between them unfinished, words unsaid and things undone. But it was simply the way they were – always something, but never quite a thing. They let themselves have one slip for all this time, but that's it, one slip cost them a whole year, more could cause a damage that could not be fixed easily.

"Good being back." She said, more to herself, her eyes scanning the well known room, finding the office much more comfortable than she remembered it. Maybe it's just the fact that she missed it, but it felt like home; it felt like Cal.


	4. Chapter 4

**Your reviews are always very welcome and they pretty much keep me going! Keep writing them, tell me what you like and don't like, if you have any ideas send them or comment and I will give you the credit for inspiration! I am pretty much writing this story in the moment, without any planning of what's gonna happen, so... But I hope this turns out fine!** **Okay, so here the story goes, with another tease at the end!** **Have a good read!**

 _"You'll regret it."_ _"Yeah, but let me regret it in the morning and enjoy it now."_

It was just enough for him to keep ripping her clothes off, kiss her neck and search for her weak spots with his hands, lips, everything he had…

What woke him up out of his thoughts was that silent, but familiar knock on the door. His lips curved into a smile as he saw his most precious belonging – Emily.

"Hey dad!"

"Why aren't you at school?" Even though the question was serious, his tone was careless and barely worried. She was a good kid, she could handle school without one or two classes.

"You told me you'd get Gillian today. So… did it work?"

 _"Of course I love her."_ Those words rang in his ears as he remembered what he had told Emily a year ago, just after they split up (more like, just after Gillian told him she was going to try something new, stay away from some things – him – until she's sure she did the right thing).

"She's in the office."

Her smile suddenly disappeared and she walked to his table, sitting in the chair across him. "What's wrong? I thought you'd be happy about this. The woman you love came back."

"It's complicated. Grown up things, you know what I mean?"

"Dad… If I was old enough last year to know that you love her, why do you think I wouldn't understand this?"

Silence.

"She's not the same Gillian, is she?"

"She's the same old Gil."

"So what's the problem?"

"No problem, darling." He stood up and walked around the table, tapping Emily's head lightly. "I've got work to do."

"You're just avoiding this conversation, aren't you? I can see it on your face, dad. You're not the only one in this family who can read expressions, remember?"

"When you're so smart, figure out all this by yourself home. And call some friends to catch up on what you've missed on classes today."

Her face went from amused and interested to annoyed and mad. "If you want to ignore the best thing that's happened to you in a long while, then fine! She's not going to wait for you forever, dad." And with those words she stormed out, straight home. She felt like it was her commitment to pull the two of them together, but she felt like her father was being an ass a bit too often, especially when she was trying to do nothing else but help.

"Ems said hi." He said, walking into Gillian's office without a knock or any kind of warning.

"Tell her I said hi as well." She said a bit taken aback, but managing to smile as well, though her smile faded when she noticed his face. It looked fairly tired, his skin was slightly red and every word was pronounced without a hint of happiness.

"I think we should discuss some things over a dinner."

"Cal…"

"Unless you think you can't fight your attraction to me, in which case I would love to go out even more with you. Even though my offer _is_ strictly professional." And in a second his mood changed, expression becoming much more approachable than just a second before.

She laughed, nervously turning her pen on and off in her hand. No matter how much Cal Lightman wanted to be _strictly professional_ , it was one thing he could never do. Sooner or later he would start asking personal questions, or tease about your expression while saying something completely unimportant but which will lead him to finding out some stupid thing about you, but it will still offer him the pleasure of having something to use against you.

"I think I'll be able to control myself." She nodded, a wide smile playing on her lips.

"Okay, love. I'll pick you up at seven." He went out the door again, almost feeling her footsteps behind him.

"I didn't say I was in, Cal!" Half of her body peeked outside the doorframe and for the 110th time today he internally shouted at himself for letting his eyes roam along her perfect figure.

"You said _you'll_ be able to control yourself, not that _you would be_ able to control yourself if we went out. Which is pretty much the confirmation I needed."

Without a word more, he once again turned his back on her and left her speechless.


	5. Chapter 5

She spent more than an hour getting ready. Correction, she spent more than an hour dressing up and putting on makeup, not to count the time she spent showering, making her hair look natural but pretty, doing her nails all over again because the color of the previous ones was a bit scratched at the ends.

Gillian always looked good - classy but attractive at the same time, but that night she was finding it hard to pick out a good outfit. Some dresses were too tight (they were going to a dinner, so it would look good until the meal has come, but after that... not so much), some were too formal and some were too casual. In the end, she decided that a pencil skirt and a blouse would be the most fitting, pointing out the curves they should and hiding the ones that the meal would ruin a bit, with the high heels she had on her most of the time anyway.

On the other end of the town, Cal was just finishing with work, having noticed that Gillian had left less than an hour after they decided to go out for dinner. He couldn't blame her, she wasn't officially working there yet and she needed time to get ready (every woman did). It just made him wonder why she would take so much time off for something so innocent as a _strictly professional_ dinner. Actually, it brought out a smile on his lips, knowing it was because of him. Even if she didn't want to admit it, it was because of him.

~7pm~

It was almost painful how accurate he was being.

She spent the last 20 minutes sitting, getting up, checking on her makeup and hair, sitting again and turning the TV on and off because she didn't want to get distracted.

And he spent the last 5 minutes sitting in the car, knowing it was going to drive her crazy. Before their _slip_ a year ago, they could hug and kiss and do everything friends did, but now they were back to that pre-dating stage where everything was awkward and painful to even watch. So he decided to make it even worse for her.

Knocking on the wooden door, he prepared the flowers he got her on his way there. The moment the door opened, he pushed the flowers through the opening before even letting her do it fully. What he got in return was a surprised laugh, and a hug at the entrance. And it was her fault. Because when he wrapped his hands around her waist, when he felt her hands around his shoulder, gently touching his neck, he almost lost it. _Almost_. The worst part about it was that he could have sworn he felt her heart racing against his chest as well. But the bloody line could not be crossed again. He almost lost her once, he couldn't afford himself to lose her again. Not yet, at least. Even though a year has passed, it still felt fresh - the night they found comfort in each other because of Alec and Zoe. Or maybe they were just some poor excuses for them to do what they desperately wanted to. Either way, it was too soon.

"You're right on time." She said, taking the flowers and looking at them suspiciously. "These still don't make this a date." She joked, and Cal's eyes reflected relief. Maybe things didn't have to be so damn odd all the time. Maybe they could establish the relationship they once had again.

"I'm too good looking for you, love." He smirked, motioning to the outside, eager to sit down with her and have a talk after all this time.

Her laugher filled the air and she quickly put the flowers on the side, locking the door after them.

"I missed this."

"Me too." Their eyes locked, bodies dangerously close and he forced himself to look away and lead the way. "Let's hurry up. We don't wanna miss our reservation, do we?"

~7:39pm~

They walked into the small restaurant Gillian never noticed before. It wasn't close to her house or work, so that might have affected her lack of information about it. But all in all it looked nice.

Walls were covered in some pale color, not quite orange, but not quite pink, something like a mix of both with a lot of white. And maybe a bit of yellow.

Tables were small, but well made. They were black and round, with chairs of the same color but not the same simplicity. The back of chairs was filled with shapes of flowers and butterflies.

Waiters had the black and white uniforms - black pants and white shirts, with a black bowtie. Each of them nodded politely as a silent greeting.

It wasn't what she expected. It wasn't what she expected at all. She thought he was going to bring her to a cute restourant they used to go together from time to time where they had a really good pizza and the waiters weren't _that_ bad. But this was... A pleasant surprise to say at least.

"This looks..."

"I know." He lowered his hand to the small of her back and urged her a bit forward until his hand and her body started moving as if they were one. Then he pulled out a chair for her, as any gentlemen would, and sat across her.

"Wanna throw a quick look at the menu? And then we can talk about... Whatever it is you wanted to talk about on a _strictly professional_ dinner." Her lips formed a smile and, at his relief, it reached her eyes. A smile is never honest unles the eyes smile with the lips.

"Sure."


	6. Chapter 6

**This is going to be a really short but fun one because I am posting it really soon after the last one. So... I had fun writing this mini-chapter, I hope you have the same fun reading it!**

"How about we forget what happened?"

It was his turn to laugh now. "You think I wanna forget about that? It's one of my favorite things to think about when I go to..."

She hit him on the hand. And she must have hit him hard and soundly, because a couple of confused looks were shot their way and she met a couple of them, smiling apologetically. "Can you at least be a bit more... Silent?"

"I'm not ashamed of having sex with you." His lips were a straight line, but his eyes were dying out of laughter. Though the answer was sincere.

"I'm not... How is this a professional dinner, Cal?"

"I never mentioned a thing. You're the one who wants to talk about this, I am just answering your questions."

"Good evening. Welcome to our restaurant. Could I bring you some drinks for a starter?"

Neither bothered to look at the waiter, their gazes locked on each other's.

"I'll have some champaigne. Dom Perignon." She could feel Cal wince, since it was quite an expensive champaigne and he was the one paying for their dinner. So she _will_ make him pay. "A bottle. We'll share."

"It's a good choice. As for the appetizers..."

"We will throw a look at the menu. Now can you give us a moment?" It was said in a rude tone, though words seemed to have no weight to the young waiter who just nodded slightly and muttered a silent "of course" before flying off to another table. "Are we playing some dirty game here, love? Cause I can play along, but you won't like it."

"No. I just _really like_ this champaigne. You'll see, it's great. My favorite."

 _Liar, liar, liar._ The part about it being her favorite was true. But the one about not playing the game, not so much. "Alright." He said, leaning back into the chair, and scanning her face with a small smirk. Two could play this game. He raised his hand at the young waiter whose face he recognized in the crowd. "I decided on these fried ravioli."

"And I'll have the mini manchego tarts." Gillian added with a modest smile, realizing just after a couple of seconds that she asked for the first thing she saw on the menu. Cal didn't give her a moment to read it through, but he seemed to have known the menu, so she couldn't help but wonder who he was with at a place like this.

"Alright, as for the main dishes-"

"We still didn't decide. But I have a favor to ask you. Since my wife, here-", he motioned to Gillian, "-is a feminist-" and then he added a shrug of his shoulders, which made him look a bit lost and helpless. "-she always insists on us doing the same things and also paying the same... Could you please bring us two separate, but even cheks at the end of the evening?" Once again he shrugged as if he was the confused one. "I just can't say no to her."

The look on the waiter's face could be described as confusion, but he simply nodded and left, while Gillian's face slowly started getting some strong pink color. "Well played, Cal. Well played."

"Oh. So we're playing now, are we?"


	7. Chapter 7

"I brought the contract." He said, putting papers in the middle of the table, between him and Gillian.

"Should I read them first? Could there be a part about me being a feminist and because of that having my heart torn out because you have none either?"

He couldn't help a pleased smirk cross his lips as he pushed the papers and the pen a bit closer to Gillian, obviously eager for her to sign them. He was so close to having her by his side again. "I was just playing your game, darling. These are almost the same papers you signed the first time."

"I'll sign them if I have a half of your ravioli. And you can have half of my dish." She met his confused look with a fake smile. "You didn't give me the time to look at the menu. So it's partially your fault that I chose the appetizer I know nothing about. We all pay for our mistakes, Cal." Now the smile was sincere, wrinkles around her eyes popping up.

"Alright. But you sign the papers first. I'm not gonna give my food to you before I know I have a hell of a reason to do so." It was the game going on. It was innocent (for now at least) and it made the dinner seem a lot more fun.

"You pass me by half of your dish and I sign the papers at the same time or no deal."

"Then you got yourself a deal."

The couple spent the next couple of minutes in a small talk, just the "how have you been" and "what's new" and short, undetailed answers. No one knew what was going on between them, the "bloody line", as Cal liked to call it, appearing every time she felt herself relax a bit more, just to make her straighten her back up, push a bit of hair from her face behind her ear, cough when relaxing too much. She was tense and he could feel it, it reflected on him as well, causing him to feel a bit stiff because she felt uncomfortable. It was an awkward dinner to say at least, much worse than when they started it.

"So, how's Emily? I didn't see her in the office today. Thought she'd come by."

"She did. She left quickly."

"What? Why?" She leaned a bit forward - a sign of interest, Cal thought. Of course. She always loved Ems.

"We got into an argument. Nothing serious."

"It never is too serious between you two, Cal. She loves you too much and she forgives you for everything, no matter how bad it is. It will never be too serious, but don't push her too far. She's a smart kid."

"And she was right about what she said."

Her confused look switched from Cal's to the waiter's face, who put down two plates in front of them, trying to say something but meeting Gil's hand in the process. "Can we have a moment?" And it was his turn to be annoyed, for a good reason, so he walked away much faster than he was supposed to. "So you don't let her have it her way even when she's right?"

"She'd just have her hopes up for nothing."

And then he felt it. He felt the heavy look of realization on him, and he felt his body and tongue betraying him for showing her she was the subject of their fight.

"If you're not gonna man up then at least have the kid have it she's right."

"Oh, Gil, and you want me to man up?" It was anger, hope, lust, love, every single emotion speaking up. "You want me to do something about it? Do you? Do you really want that, love? Or did you chicken out the only tim I managed to cross the bloody line?" He looked her get up from her seat, eyes filled with tears and anger. "You ran away not just from me a year ago, but from Emily and the whole company. Because you chickened out. So don't tell me to "man up" when I lose you if I do so!"

She waited for him to say the last word, and then took her bag with trembling hands and ran out. She didn't care about the bill, about the dinner, about the contract, or anything else. All she wanted was to get out. All she wanted was to never be reminded of her own stupid choices. And to make it all even worse, she just did what she argued him about - he had it right but she wouldn't let him have it his way.


	8. Chapter 8

**This will be one more very short chapter. I will try to post whenever I can, but chapters will mostly be shorter. I like how this one turned out, though.**

It couldn't have been even half past eight when a knock brought her back from her thoughts. Since the moment she arrived home, she'd just been sitting at her couch, all dressed up, with her purse next to her, eyes red from recent crying. It would be a hard thing to admit, but he was so damn right about everything. The only time he crossed the line was the one time before she ran away because she couldn't face the consequences of what had happened between them. She was married to Alec at the time, though, and he was still somehow involved with Zoe. They both hurt the people who loved them and who they once loved back. But for the two of them it was just the matter of time when the tension and cheeky comments will stop being enough, and something will have to happen. And so it did. And it broke them. It broke her because no matter how good of a man Cal was, he was not who she'd imagined herself with. And she was most certainly not his type. She was the good girl, the one who follows the rules and he was the bad guy, sarcastic and annoying. And they made quite a pair when it came down to business, she couldn't deny it. But no matter how much they attracted one another, they were meant to hurt each other at some point, and hurt badly. Her running away was maybe the best thing that happened to them. She couldn't help cursing herself for coming back, for being so weak for him.

"I just want to talk to you, love." She heard a voice from the other side of the door, immediately feeling her heart starting to race. It was a thing his voice did to her, even at the times like these. "I crossed the bloody line again, I know. Lemme make it up to you."

She raised slowly from the couch, making painfully insecure steps towards the door. These were rare moments, when Cal admitted to be wrong about something he was 100% right. "Can we..." Her voice trembled and she fought to gather some strength and sound a bit less shaken. "Can we talk about this tomorrow, Cal?" She was already in front of the door, leaning her forehead against the wooden frame. It was desperation, sadness, anger, a whole lot of emotions running through her at the same moment. But regret, the most.

"Nah, the pudding will never be the same. Or this stupid thing I saw you drinkin'... A smoothie or somethin' like that."

A throaty laugh escaped her lips and she took a deep breath. "It was years ago."

"You tellin' me you don't like these things anymore?"

"No."

"Then let me in."

She turned the knob and pulled the door to herself, moving to the side so he could come in.

"I'll take the food and the smoothie. But I can't handle the serious talk tonight." From the red bags under her eyes he could tell that was entirely true. So he didn't push, even though he really wanted to.

"Sure, darlin'." Before he could see her grateful expression for his lie, he pulled her into a tight hug. "Whenever you're ready."

She was stiff the first second, but very soon she realized she needed that hug. She needed that hug and she needed it from him. She leaned into the embrace and lowered her head into the crook of his neck, immediately feeling the effect of her warm breath on him. He didn't fight it, though, just tightened his hands around her waist, pulling her even closer. The warmth of another's body was comforting, lack of words as well, cause words could hurt and words lied, but that embrace, that look in their eyes, those stubborn hands clinging to each other's bodies - they could never lie.


	9. Chapter 9

**So I guess I'm updating this often because I am writing these short chapters. I am not sure if you would like me to update less often but with longer chapters or is this alright for you? Let me know in private messages, reviews, anywhere you like! Also, reviews are always welcome, even if they are about the smallest things, mistakes, your wishes and advice and, of course, critique!**

 **Happy read, I hope you like this one!**

"How about we move to the couch and you can eat your puddin' and drink your smoothie while watching one of those heart-breakin' movies you love so much?" He felt her lift her head from his shoulder, pulling her hands to herself, eyes a bit more red than a minute before, but a sight as beautiful as always. There was something captivating about her, something about those freckles, those eyes that popped out so much now when the red was around the sky blue color, and about those slightly trembling lips he was not supposed to look at right now, but that seemed so incredibly soft and tempting.

"Have you ever watched The Notebook?" Gillian asked, taking the pudding from his hand and moving to the kitchen for a spoon.

"The story about those two who have always been meant to be and loved each other for years but the destiny was against them?" He followed her in the kitchen, so close to her body she could feel his breath on her neck while taking a spoon out of the drawer. She heard the double meaning and he saw it.

"It's not just like that, Cal." She turned around, facing him and freezing because of his closeness. "They were together. In the end they beat it all. They are still in love, and he works hard every day to make her fall in love with him even harder, even when she doesn't know she loves him." She managed to squeeze her way to the side, even though being trapped between the counter and Cal didn't feel bad at all - it was dangerous nonetheless.

"Oh, so it's all good when she gets ill. Just then he gets the chance to love her properly, when she forgets all the troubles?" It was a manipulation of the words and the movie, though he managed to make it all sound like it was about them. "Lucky man."

"Cal, stop it."

"Stop what, love?" He moved closer to her again, head tilted to the side, his eyes dropping to her lips for a piece of second, and then back to her eyes. She was still staring at his lips, terrified and excited, when he spoke again. "We're talking about the movie, no? You said no serious talk, so we're just gonna sit and watch whatever makes you feel better. I don't see a better way to apologize if not letting you see me torture through the whole movie because you know I hate those things."

"Right." She nodded, eyes still on his lips and then shook her head, as if reminding herself that she was acting foolish and way out of line just by thinking about his lips, not to talk about staring at them as if she'd lean in any moment and drown in them. "You want some pudding as well? Or you can have icecream if you want, though I only have caramel."

Cal shrugged his shoulders, still looking at her as if she was his possession. "You have just what I want." And with that, a double meaning she once again felt on her skin through goosebumps, he walked around her and back in the living room, stopping at the door frame. "Caramel it is, darlin'."

* * *

Watching the movie went smoothly enough, with Gillian ending wrapped up in Cal's embrace, but with no other unexpected, tense or dangerous moves. He had expected her to cry at the end, 'cause that's just one of those things girls do at movies like this, but she seemed pretty put together when the movie finished. He figured she watched this, or movies like these a thousand times until then.

"Did you like it?" She asked, drinking the last drop of her orange smoothie and turning in his arms to look at him.

"It was painful to watch." It caused an honest, loud laughter to break through the room, her body vibrating on his chest.

"Apology accepted." She smiled, sitting up and putting her glass on the small table his feet were resting on. "Do you know people drink and eat from this table?"

"Never said I'd be an ideal guest, Gil." He circled with his shoulder that went dumb under the pressure of Gillian's weight. It was worth it, though. At first he felt the smell of her perfume, then when the smell disappeared, it was replaced with her shampoo and the sweetest aroma of honey. When that faded away, too, all that was left for him was to enjoy the feeling of her being so close to him, more than they have been in a year, and maybe even more. It was comforting, really, and for a long time he hasn't felt like he belonged somewhere, or to _someone_ , as he did when he was holding her just a couple of seconds back.

She laughed once again and looked up at his eyes, leaning into an embrace once again. "I almost fell asleep during the movie."

"You sayin' I'm a good pillow?"

"Yes." He felt her cheeks widen on his chest in a smile, he didn't even have to look at her face.

"Does that mean you're also sayin' I'm fat?"

"Yes." It widened more.

"Then use me tonight."

She laughed, visibly more relaxed than two hours ago, and slapped him playfully on the stomach. "I might as well do that." Gillian said, shifting so she'd make herself more comfortable and wrapping her hand around his waist. "You're one softie, Cal."

"I know, love."


	10. Chapter 10

He felt her shift her weight to the other side, still using him as a pillow. Well, his stomach at least. He threw a quick look at the clock next to the TV and was surprised that it had only been two o'clock in the morning. He felt like an eternity has passed, even though he was asleep, but he was incredibly uncomfortable, pinned between the couch, and Gillian, who he did not want to wake up, especially not after what was making peace after a fight that could have once again cost them so much.

Not long has passed, and the screen of his phone came to life and a loud sound made Gillian jump out of his lap immediately.

"Ems?" Instinctively, he put his hand around Gillian, pulling her closer into a hug. It was a sign of protectiveness she didn't miss.

"Hey, dad. Where are you?" He looked down at Gillian and for a moment forgot what it was his daughter asked him. His eyes roamed all over her face, from the questioning wrinkle on her forehead, across her sky blue eyes, sleepy circles under them, the small, freckled nose and lips he wanted to lean for so badly. "Dad?"

"Did you just come home?" He asked with a bit of anger in his voice, but as it was with them, Emily saw right through him.

"I've been studying, dad, and you are deflecting. Where are you?"

He took a deep breath and shook his head. "I'm with Gillian. She wasn't feeling very..."

"Oh, okay. Sorry to interrupt you guys. Have fun!" And with that the conversation ended and left Cal stunned.

"She thinks she's on to something." Gillian said, shifting in his hands and leaning on his shoulder. Silence finally settled into the room once again and tension grew as the distance between bodies reduced.

"Gil, darlin'?" His voice was slightly higher than usually and he felt her body freeze as she caught him unprepared.

"Yeah?"

"You do know we can't be anything in between anymore?" There was silence, as Gillian's eyes scanned for something on the floor, that wasn't really there. She couldn't find any excuses, she couldn't say she didn't want to talk it through, because she did, and she couldn't say she didn't want to do something about it, because she did. She truly did, but it scared her to hell. Truth be told, she was more afraid of what happens if they make it, than about what happens if they fail. She was afraid of happiness with him. He terrified her in every way possible.

"I've been trapped, Cal."

"Huh, love?"

"I've been trapped." She pushed herself off his body, turning her head to look him directly in the eyes. "I've been trapped in the box of expectations and a box of safety that I felt comfortable in. And then you came into my life and turned it upside down. The only reason I ran was because I was afraid of what was unknown to me. You pulled me outside of it. I dropped the ball for one night and got outside the damn box and could be whatever and whoever I wanted to be. And I loved it. But it was everything I've never been, it was everything I never dared to do and be, my entire life. And you just marched into my life that night, into my personal space, and I let you. I wanted to blame it on you, on alcohol, I wanted to blame it on whoever I could because I felt out of space."

His eyes reflected her emotions - love and fear, both. "What if you are at a better place when you're with me, Gil? What if I show you how the world is outside the box?" His eyes darted between her eyes and her lips and he dared to raise his hand to her cheek, slowly removing a bit of hair behind her ear and leaving his hand there.

"You're a mess, Cal. You make me feel so scared and so angry and..."

"And I always will. Cause that's what's outside the box, darlin'. It's not all rainbows and unicorns, but it's a lot more colorful than being trapped in dark. Isn't that why you love me?"

She opened her mouth to protest, but they were caught by his, soft and warm ones. His hand glided over her waist and deeper into her hair and her hands grabbed his shoulder as something to hold on to. The moment of surprise quickly passed and she responded, pulling him into her and gliding her tongue over his lips, asking for an entrance, which he willingly gave her.

* * *

 **Hey, guys! I guess this is the end? I am sorry I delayed it this much, but I just didn't feel like anyone was reading because no one was reviewing or commenting in any way, so I just decided to bring it to an end. Sorry if you are disappointed, but this seems like a really fair ending to this story.**

 **Still, contact me for anything you want, I'd still like to hear your opinions. So... Review this last chapter and if you have any requests send them away! :)**


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